My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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