Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have aggressive nipples.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
