omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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