So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
