At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
