I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
