i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize