The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
