I heard we made out
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
