So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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