Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
