i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
