My room smells like vodka and shame
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
