im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
