This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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