Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Jerry, you need to find god
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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