man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
