Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
high people should be assigned attendants
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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