I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
