Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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