so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
