Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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