I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
