I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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