I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
