Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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