I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
