I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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