why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
