I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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