my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize