You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
