is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
