when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
