Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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