I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
