Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
