I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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