Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
