What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my shit smells like andre
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize