how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
