it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
