I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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