Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize