I CAN MOONWALK!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
