i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize