Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
