It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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