wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
