She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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