Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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