I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
