i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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