I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
