I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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