we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
