Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
