lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
tell me about the fingering
Randomize