why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
