I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
