I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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