with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
