ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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