DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
