the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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