you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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