New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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