So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
