MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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