Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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