All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
