Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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