Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
