i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
