i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
