i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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