I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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