Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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