Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
