1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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