The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
