I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
