this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
