I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
