ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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