I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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