After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
