You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
