i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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