I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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