There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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